Hungry and Thirsty

A Journey of Transformation

Welcome to the hard road. We’ve faced poverty (read/listen), mourning (read/listen), and the challenge of gentleness (read/listen) together so far, and it doesn’t get any easier. Transformation is difficult, for all the reasons we’ve mentioned before. The cross, as presented by Jesus, as a vision for the necessary (even willing) death of our person, in order to be born again, formed again, into a new kind of person is realistic – it’s not melodramatic. While the giving up of everything at one time is a common experience, I’ve have noticed God work in a more focused way with me as well.

When I burnt out, there were three specific relationships in my life that broke. They seemed to be very clearly delineated. They were my relationships to work, with my family, and in personal relationships. They all fell apart at the same time. The common factor: me. They all fell apart, because I fell apart. I had reached the end of my rope, and the interaction with each relationship that I was experiencing at the time pushed me passed the end of my rope. As I worked with God (and people) to reconstruct my person, I learned about very particular areas of my person and life that I could think about and work through. These were things like, my assumptions and presumptions about the depth of connection and level of exposure in relationships, how I hold onto my dreams, the way I navigate pain, and how I deal with loss and betrayal, for example. I’ve noticed that within each area, I have had a kind of trip through the beatitudes.

For example, when considering my assumed depth of connection and exposure in relationships I realized that I was formed most prominently by the extreme connection and exposure that happens in theatre. In my training I learned to establish a deep connection with the audience quickly, and maintain a high level of exposure throughout a show. This seemed to work wonders on the stage, but was horrible in any sustained relationship. I’ve had significant training on the stage, and invested a lot of time and effort into developing my skills there, yet knew that if I wanted to become the kind of person Jesus was calling me to be, I had to change. I had to become someone who could do the deep and highly exposed thing if need be, but who didn’t have to. I needed to become free from the habits of my prior formation. In working through this, I had to realize my poverty in being able to make the change in my own strength (I took great pride in my strength). I had to mourn the death of the person who trusted in their ability to do such things (I took great pride in my skills and craftwork). I had to become gentle with myself and others as I realized how fruitless fighting for change was (I had often resorted to anger and frustration to fuel changes). Finally, I landed in a place where I could take my hunger and thirst for being different than I was, for becoming righteous, directly to God. I have continued through the positions of the beatitudes (which we’ll get to soon). The interesting thing to me was that this journey all happened in dealing with this one aspect of my person. And so it may go. An experience of what feels like complete transformation, or the focused shift of a particular way, are both possible, both very good, and both seem reflected in the journey through the beatitudes.

Now, we’re just about at the halfway mark of the propositions of Jesus regarding life in the Kingdom of Heaven. Before continuing, let’s quickly review. In the Kingdom of Heaven poverty of person (whether spiritual or provisional) does not hinder entrance. In the Kingdom of Heaven mourners receive comfort and the meek receive inheritances. If we think of this journey as compounding, we have become the kind of person for whom poverty is not a barrier to moving forward with God. The kind of person for whom mourning is an accepted part of the process of transformation. We are someone who willingly goes through it with an expectation around the receipt of comfort from God. The kind of person for whom meekness is seen as the appropriate way to interact – not a disadvantage, or character flaw, nor a way of interacting that precludes the development of other aspects of their person. As meekness addresses the kind of disposition we may carry, the next beatitude addresses what we might do with the things that arise as good desires from our new position. Jesus seemed to know that as we navigate the world with a mild disposition and gentle spirit, a hunger and thirst for righteousness will arise.

Imagine being a gentle person. One who has experienced the invitation and entrance into God’s immersive company. One who has received God’s comfort in the midst of their mourning. One who in their practice of meekness is unwilling to rise to violence, for knowledge of the cycle of destruction that violence perpetuates. Instead, relying on the promise of inheritance for their sustenance. One with a clear vision of the Kingdom of Heaven and the antithetical organization of the world. What will happen to you? There is a possible frustration in having been the recipient of the fruits of the Kingdom, yet being stuck in a world antithetical to it. We might think, “We can’t just let the world go on as it is. We have to do something.” Underneath such frustration is the desire to see good and right things happen in the world around us, and good and right things come out of ourselves. Frustration, notably is the feeling that arises when we think we know what should happen and are somehow prevented from experiencing those results.  Jesus addresses these frustrations directly by saying:

Happy are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

It seems like there’s two directions that my personal hunger and thirst for righteousness likes to go. The first direction is inward. After landing in a place of meekness at least with regards to a particular endeavor, and experiencing the inheritance, there is a possible emboldening of spirit. As if to say, “Wow, I have what I need now, let’s get to business! God is on my side!” The second direction is outward. I then go out into the world and I want the rest of the world to share in this experience. I want the rest of the world to act in accordance to what I’ve discovered, because what I’ve discovered is so amazing! Notably, I have a spirit that also believes in these moments that what I’ve discovered is right for everyone, right now, and that I’m the right person to let them know. Can you see the problem with that?

The emboldening of my spirit often leads me directly into trouble. I easily start making choices that are definitely not good. I may not see it at first, on account of a kind of blind confidence I have in my choice making muscle, my will. This confidence comes from the wonderful experience of receiving God’s provision. The overly boosted confidence I have in my own choices precludes checking in with God. I think, “I’ve got this. I know what to do.” The emboldening of my spirit also sets me up as a self-proclaimed “knower” that should be telling everyone else they see what is wrong with them and the right way to do things. In both the inward and outward cases, the emboldening of my spirit (notably contrasted with an indwelling of God’s Spirit) sets me up for failure and destruction. Instead of waiting for God to fill me, I have found myself jumping ahead.

What would happen if we took things a little slower?

If we experience inheritance as a gift that engenders gratitude and closer intimacy with God, instead of self-confidence, then a different path arises. As we look out into the world we will of course see a multitude of things that are not good. Our vision is even clearer now because we can give more attention to a larger portion of the world since we’re not worried about our own stuff – quite literally our own survival. We are moving up Maslow’s triangle in a way, rather quickly. Once the basic needs of survival are met we can turn our attention elsewhere. When we turn our attention elsewhere we realize that, yup, there’s a lot that could use a change.

Now there’s a thing here that is good to make note of. If we take the position, “Oh look at the world, lot’s needs adjusting or shifting, or changing,” there are things that will quickly be beyond our sphere of influence to change. There are things that we may see as hopeless to change in the world around us. We will develop a kind of thirst or hunger – we want that change. We can envision the good life, and have had a deeper, practical, even literal taste of it, and we now see how the rest of the world is seemingly organized against it. We will talk soon enough about how that organization actually comes about. It’s not always as malevolent as it seems, and yet there it stands. We try to make a change, and the entire momentum of the world will resist, especially at scale. So here we are. We are trying to work these things out and we will feel the lack. The lack of strength, capacity, ability, resilience, and grit, for example. We may mourn again, for our own iniquity. We will experience inheritance on account of meekness. And, we will still have this growing hunger and thirst for things in the world to be good.

We can easily take that same journey and instead of attending to the outside world, give attention to our inner world. We will likely land in the same place. We, too, have been formed in some ways to be organized against God. As we journey through these positions in the beatitudes we are transforming, bit by bit, area by area, situation by situation, into a different kind of person. The kind of person who is organized with God, in a really intimate sense such that we begin to desire more of these good things – acts of righteousness – coming out of a character of righteousness. We’re not just reliant on God in our individual poverty, mourning, and need. Now we are becoming wanting to be proactive, desiring movement toward a particular vision. We may catch ourselves unable, in our own strength to accomplish such things, but the hunger and thirst will remain.

Imagine having to care for someone who needed you – that there is no possible way for them to live without you. I know this grits against the entire individualistic nature of the western world, and yet this is the context in which human beings and God relate. There is no place in which a human being will thrive without some kind of connection to God. Immersion with God would be an ideal place for a person. But someone can have a sense of God (a kind of connection) through a loving community, or a loving individual, even nature. But ultimately all those interactions are meant to point to the availability of connection for that individual with God. And there is a purpose to all this. It is so that the individual, we, are transformed into the kind of person for whom the love of God naturally flows out of.

There are challenges here. I still struggle with being able to do the right thing, when I’ve practiced the wrong one for so long. How do I do the right thing, when I’ve never seen the right thing happen? Here is a thought: If you come off a fast, during which you haven’t eaten for a long time, having a big meal is not a good idea. It is more recommended to start with smaller portions of softer and lighter foods. We have to retrain our digestive system to deal with a larger portion of harder and heavier foods. The same is true for the filling of righteousness into a soul, a person, that has been organized maybe for a long time in other ways.

There is a kind of envisioning of the right thing. Experiencing the Kingdom of the Heavens become key. We get to experience the right thing in the way God deals with us, and so the way we deal with others becomes different. At least the way we want to deal with others becomes different. And so we try with God. We begin with small good things that challenge us, but have a low barrier. These give us some familiarity with the process of doing such things. We experience God with us in those things. These are our first steps as children. Our confidence in him grows as we are in the thing. We will often realize how far we are from being the kind of person for whom the way we want to deal with others is the natural outcome of who we are.

And so we continue to try. God continues to show up, filling the part of us that lacks righteousness in a given situation with his Spirit. Our reliance on God grows. Our ability to show up in any situation energized by his Spirit of goodness grows. Our hunger and thirst may continue as we identify more and more areas that we want to work on. But now we know whom to go to with our request. We know who to work with on our challenges. We know who we are with as we journey and change and transform. We know who is filling us. And who is filling us makes all the difference.