What Kind of Person Do You Want to Become?

Exploring Powerful Questions

When I was a child, I was often asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “An astronaut,” I would reply, or so my parents have told me. The question of what we want to be is often couched in terms of work. It might be clearer to ask, “What kind of work do you want to be doing when you begin to have to go to work?” But that would take too long. Instead, we conflate our jobs with our being, and then spend time and effort trying to peal them apart later in life.

There is a better question we might ask ourselves. It is a vision question. It goes to the heart of the idea of spiritual formation and may require some reflection. No need to rush towards an answer. Just let this question simmer a while.

What Kind of Person Do You Want to Become?

There are a number of ways to begin to think about this question. We can think about personal characteristics like humility or generosity. We can think about abilities like climbing or jumping or swimming. We can think about how we might respond to certain situations or what we might bring to a certain situation. All of these are worthwhile explorations and fill in the blank of this sentence:

I want to be the kind of person who…

Here are few examples just to get the juices flowing. Remember, especially with a question of this directness, the answers must be yours. We only cheat ourselves when we take on someone else’s answers.

• I want to become the kind of person who is naturally generous.

• I want to become the kind of person who is naturally humble.

• I want to become the kind of person who can relax, enjoying a morning, afternoon, or entire day with nothing to do.

• I want to become the kind of person who can work with almost anyone.

• I want to become the kind of person who can wiggle their ears.

• I want to become the kind of person who offers empathy to others.

• I want to become the kind of person who doesn’t get riled up when they are given news or gossip.

You’ll notice that characteristics are preceded by “is” – a state of being – while abilities are preceded by “can” – or another word referring to action. To go further, I have found that the more specific I am able a particular desire, the better. For example:

• I want to become the kind of person who enjoys regularly going to the gym on a weekly basis at least.

• I want to become the kind of person who can deescalate emotionally charged conversations at family gatherings, particularly those around holidays.

There is a vast difference between the person that hates going to the gym, but goes anyway, and the kind of person who genuinely enjoys regularly going to the gym on a weekly basis, at least. There is a vast difference between the person who sees charged conversations and either goes headlong into them (adding to the charge) or runs away from them, and the one who engages with an aim to deescalate them. These are different kinds of people.

Of course we can learn the skill, do the action, and that will have great affect. Even deeper still is the possibility of deep transformation from one kind of person to another. This is the stuff of spiritual formation and spiritual transformation. At the heart of these ideas is the aim of the person we are to become. What kind of person is that for you?

We’ll never know unless we keep asking the question.