What is Enough?
A question for the over-extended
In the winter of 2020, I was emerging from the largest experience with burnout I had ever encountered. I had been living beyond my individual capacity for a while, hit my wall, and began to make choices to change the dynamic of my life. The changes that emerged ruffled quite a few feathers, including my own. Change can do that.
As I write this, I’m coming off hitting another wall. Not nearly as large as the one in 2020, but with a similar sting. It’s not an enjoyable experience. For the first few notes of this new year, I had planned to share some of the key questions I asked myself during my emergence from burnout in 2020. I thought it would be a keen way to document and share some things I’ve learned. I guess it turns out I’ll be writing these notes as a reminder of things I still need to remember. Life is a work in progress.
Framing the Problem
Over the years I’ve liked the idea that solutions to problems are determined by the way questions are asked. Frame a problem in a particular way and one solution emerges. Frame the same problem in a different way, and another solution emerges. There is a challenge then not only in finding the solution, but in discovering the most accurate framing of the problem.
The problem of burnout can be framed in multiple ways. It may be seen as a mishandling of one’s schedule, a personal failure of energy management, or the outcome of a kind of individual or cultural formation that leads to burnout, for example. The first two frames lead to temporary fixes, and are highly intellectual exercises. Don’t book too many appointments or concurrent projects. Learn about energy work, breathing exercises, and other personal awareness modalities. Working through them means my tools and choices may change, but my underlying formation can stay the same. Each time I fail at making the “right” choice, I will say, “I know the problem, and have the tools. I just need to do better next time.” The third example, the one that explicitly focuses on formation, leads to a deeper inquiry. Questions arise.
What are the ideas that I hold that would lead me towards burnout?
What are the ideas that are held in my social relationships that would lead me to burnout?
What are the ideas that are held in the organization of my surroundings (the culture) that would lead me to burnout?
My answers to these questions led me to a more accurate vision of the side of my personality that was high-expectation, high-achieving, and high-output. To be clear, the vision I had of my own standards was such that I saw the goals, achievements, and output I was able to carry as completely normal – even good. There was nothing “high” about them. Without exaggeration, I believed in the possibility of complete transformation – of the human heart, small gatherings of people, communities, towns, cities, nations, and the world (in that order). I aimed for it, often not realizing the magnitude of effort it would take to realize such a change in myself, let alone in others.
I still believe in this possibility, and still aim for it now, but in a different way. Instead of trying to hit a mark, I just try to do what I can, from where I am. I start with myself, and let whatever I’m learning overflow through my life, and affect those around me. No more, no less. I would also note that I approach the question of where from both a geographic and positional direction. I need to be aware of both my physical surroundings, and my perception of relational position.
Doing what I can from where I am requires an honest assessment of these questions. What can I do? What are my surroundings at this moment? What position am I in? Of course, for those who are believers in a living God, and followers of Jesus, these questions change meaningfully to, “What can I do with God?” “What are my surroundings in this moment with God?” and “What position am I in with God?”
The change in these questions may dramatically shift our answers. What I can do, my experience of my surroundings, and my perception of my position may all adjust with the reminder that God is with me. Regardless of any change, the answers to the questions are less important than their honesty. In my journey, the moment I realized that I could honestly do nothing for a particular situation, was a key learning for me. I stopped forcing the issue. Indeed, the specific answers will change as we grow with time and as circumstances change. However, the honesty of the inquiry is a practice that we can develop, whose consistency will be of great benefit to us.
My experience with burnout led me to realize that I hold some radical answers to these questions. I believed that I could do anything with God, and that if called upon, I trusted that I was already prepared for whatever lay ahead. Regardless of geography, I thought that if I held a position of favor with God, whatever I set my hands to would be blessed. Remembering my aim of complete transformation, I cultivated a state of always being ready for anything. Any opportunity to contribute, for change, or to experience a complete shift in life, for example. While I still consider these answers good and true, as I attempted to find my way out of burnout in 2020, I learned that I needed another question to add to the list.
The Question
Being ready for all things and all times can be draining. There are a lot of reasons this disposition may have developed in me.
Being the child of war time immigrants
Being an only child
Training for live performance
Training for improvisational performance
Training for solo performance
Aside from the calamity of war, none of the above experiences are inherently bad. However, they all point towards a kind of automatic “taking on” of responsibility. Combine that with a high-achieving personality and contexts that promote high-achievement, and you have a recipe for the over-exposure and over-expenditure of one’s person that leads to burnout.
Coming out of burnout, I didn’t necessarily want to give up on my standards, or dreams. I also didn’t want to hit a wall like that again. I couldn’t go about my life in the same way. My approach to life wasn’t just mental, it was in my body. From tap dance training and rehearsal, to show time, I had developed an “on” position that I then applied in all other areas of life. To make the change, I needed another question that would help me reign in my performance-oriented body. A question that would signal to my body the ending of endeavors, and the availability of times of rest.
What is Enough?
This question was the first to challenge my own thinking. For every situation I encountered, every problem I saw, my mind would begin to think through “ultimate solutions.” The kinds of solutions that would solve problems for everyone, and forever. These were not small issues, nor small solutions. However, given that I thought I could do anything with God and was already prepared for what lay before me, I had a habit of just jumping in. Many false starts, and half-way successes later, I now have this question: What is enough?
Right now, in this moment, with these circumstances, in my current geography, and my current position, what is enough? I know I can do all things with God, but is doing all the things what is required of me right now? Is doing everything what would be good for me and those around me? I know I am prepared for what lay before me, but is jumping in a good choice? What about other options, like continuing to walk in that direction, rather than jumping?
The requirement of speed in ramping up professional shows in the performing arts is quite high. An actual show may take years to develop from idea to script. Production timelines – from the hiring of the cast and crew, to showtime – are much smaller. Sometimes as little as three weeks. In such a context, “enough” is a high bar to hit – memorize all your lines, movements on the stage, dance steps, makeup, and costume changes, etc. You have three weeks to internalize and embody an entire show. This becomes normalized.
Life in the corporate environment may feel the same, although I’m less familiar with it. Key performance indicators must be reached, reports must be produced, and customer expectations must be fulfilled. Go. Go. Go.
But what is enough? Is it enough to find one gift for a loved one that shows your love for them, or must there be ten? Is it enough to be a good teacher, or must you develop star students? Is it enough to be good player, or must you be the best in the league? Is it enough to be a good leader, or must you rise the to the top of your industry? Is it enough to be a good person, or must you be a savior to the world?
The spectrum is wide. The answers that each of us are predisposed to here are indicative of our formation. However we’ve been formed, there are good and evil working in us. It is unavoidable. The question is what we will do in response. We can be so attached to our pre-dispositions that we cannot see life being any different (more on this next week), and yet transformation is possible.
For the believer in a living God, and the follower of Jesus Christ, the question of enough also changes. What is enough with God?
In any relationship, there is space that needs to be given to the other party for them to show up. In a one-to-one relationship, for example, if I did everything, the other party wouldn’t have to do anything. And even though we were in a relationship, I would feel alone with all my doing, and they would feel alone with all of my doing. So then, “What is enough?” becomes a question that creates space. Space for people to step up and into interactive relationship with one another.
In my own life, it helps me keep an opening for others to engage with me. As I continue to grow in my relationship with God, Jesus, and the people around me, this question keeps me from turning beautiful and wonderful relationships into things to be achieved. It keeps me from turning people and life into to-do-lists. It also keeps me from taking on responsibilities that are not mine to carry. It keeps me from taking up all the space. I can remain open to being affected by those I’m in relationship with.
Especially in times of great change, new stressors, and greater responsibilities – all normal things that happen as we grow – it might be worth pausing and asking, “What is enough?”
Do you have a question you like asking? I’m curious. If you’re willing to share a question that has helped guide your journey, post it in the comments below.