What Do We Have To Give?

Say what?

I wasn’t expecting this, but this week it looks like I’m doubling down on the generosity idea, or more specifically giving. The next few weeks I’ll be working through a series of questions that start with the word, “what.” I don’t normally like “What?” questions, or series for that matter, but we go where the good spirit leads.

“What” questions can often be too concrete for the dreamer in me. Maybe that’s why I’m a tap dancer – exceptional requirements of concreteness married with plenty of conceptual play space. Series, in the same way, can feel too predictive for the improviser in me. But the upside is in their guidance in exploring a particular theme – something I find myself needing to do often. But I digress.

I took a dive into the deep end of thinking about generosity here, so I won’t double back except to remind myself that thinking through the how of giving is as, if not more, important than the what. That said, it struck me as I was thinking further about giving that I have many assumptions around it. So here we are, thinking more specifically about what we have to give.

Time and Money

Maybe it’s on account of how the market denotes value, or maybe it’s on account of my own perception of their limited nature – regardless, time and money seem to be the first things that I think of when I think of what I can, or is needed to give. Go to any website for your local not-for-profit organization and they will likely be asking for your time or money. Buttons on their websites call us to volunteer here, or donate here. Support, partner, give, have all become synonymous with assumptions of the needs of time and money that these organizations necessarily have. These are good and needed things, and yet the constant request feels like someone saying, “The only thing I want from you is your time or your money.” Even knowing how needed these resources are, something feels left out.

Let’s look at these two gifts for a moment.

Money of course, is a way of facilitating action beyond the scope of our individual selves. Money can magnify and scale our desire. It can do the same for an organization and its mission. If the desire is good, as in supporting those experiencing poverty or heart-break, magnification and scale might also be good. The gift of money can do good with regards to empowerment of organizations working in such areas to do more. It should be noted that money works in the other direction as well – with an ability to magnify the poorer choices we make – ones informed by greed, envy, and fear, for example.

Time is related to money. Many people trade their time for money in the course of their job. There are people, probably many more today than before, that do not have to trade their time for money and still accumulate money. Still others have little money, and yet give of their time. Each of these experiences, or perspectives, around the relationship between time and money will naturally affect the way we think of giving time.

When different people ask for our time, they may be asking for different things. Some requests are explicitly for labor – help setup, stuff envelopes (if that still happens), and carry boxes, for example. Others are about the giving and sharing of information – help us research, fill out this survey, or spread the word, for example. These are all good, but I wonder if there is more. We can lovingly fill necessary gaps for friends, organizations, even enemies, but I think it is also important to remember that we, literally who we are, are much more than our time or money.

Presence

Have you ever thought that just by being in a place, that the experience of that place (even if you are alone) would be different than if you weren’t there? It’s true. There is no such thing as someone who doesn’t make a difference. There is such a thing as someone who may feel as though they don’t. Folks who outright ignore others, making them feel like they don’t make a difference also exist. But fundamentally, ignoring someone takes effort, so even then, your presence is making a difference. If this is true, that we can only make a difference, what happens if we enter our day with the conscious understanding that we can change the way moments are experienced? What intention or hope for our part in these moments might we desire? What preparation for the day might we experiment with such that our interactions can be more of what we want – even good, gentle, kind, and loving?

When we approach with consciousness the gift of presence, there is another side to the experience that I think is necessary to explore. That is, the willing positioning of everyone else in our lives as doing the same. We honor someone else’s being by experiencing their presence as a gift to us. We have to be willing to experiment with receiving the gift of someone else’s presence in whatever fashion they show up as a gift. I think there are obviously limits here. If someone’s presence is harsh, unhealthy, even abusive, there is less reason to stay, of course. But honoring someone’s presence as a gift, at least during the initial interactions, offers an opportunity for them to receive that honor – something that may be new to them. Even through the discovery of the harder things that someone may become willing to share, such an opening is a gift with being a part of.

Perspective

Everyone that I’ve met over the course of my journey in life so far has a different perspective. They literally see the world differently than I do. I’m sure if you asked folks about me, they would say the same thing. Regardless of the breadth or depth of commonality, there is always a moment in conversation with someone in which I (or they) experience this idea: “I’ve never thought about that before.” What a gift.

We are wonderfully limited creatures. This is true of our ability to perceive, too. Such a statement could dive us headlong into thinking about human consciousness and perception, which is worthy of the many books that have already been written by writers better than me. That dive is a worthwhile pursuit, but for our purposes it is just the limited nature of our perceptive abilities that come to bear. Without sharing our own perspective when appropriate we leave our neighbor, friend, or partner lacking. We withhold the gift of a different set of eyes, ears, or heart. We deny the opportunity of a shift in thinking on account of new perspectives. Note that the shift is not guaranteed on account of the sharing, but without the sharing the shift is guaranteed not to happen in that moment.

The gift of our perspective on a situation, or even an idea, is the sharing of everything we have become over the course of our lives so far (everything that frames and informs our perspective) with whomever is sharing the situation with us. Our perspective is not who we are, but is so closely linked that, to some it can feel quite vulnerable to share. For others the desire for change has been so cultivated that their sharing feels more like an imposition than a proposition. This of course can be a challenge. There is a reason the idea of iron sharpening iron is a prominent analogy for the sharing of perspectives. Is the sharing of perspectives worth the sparks that fly? You bet. Without such sharing, the opportunity for connection, relationship, even growth, is greatly diminished. One of the dynamics of a community of love is the ability to engage in the giving and receiving of perspectives well.

Space

I want to make mention of something of an anti-hero of giving. Sometimes the best thing we can offer to a person or organization is space. There are many organizations that literally specialize in this, offering space for conferencing, retreats, and other kinds of gatherings or journeys. These spaces are created to facilitate intentional kinds of moments. Moments when the responsibilities of life can lift or clarify or shift because of the opportunity provided by the space. Public spaces, like parks, trails, rivers, coasts, can do this, too.

On a personal level this can happen in the space we give to one another. Can we hold enough space for someone as they grieve, celebrate, mourn, or are caught up in wonder? Space on a personal level allows the other, the one we are giving to, the opportunity to fill that space. Such an opportunity might be disconcerting, especially for someone who has not been given space to fill before. What do I fill it with? Whatever you want. There isn’t a right answer? No, this space is yours, and you get to do whatever you want or need in it. I’m just holding it for you.

One Final Gift – For followers of Jesus

These are all just ideas. Ideas that may shake some of the habits of thought and action when it comes to how we see opportunities for giving (and by extension, receiving). Sharing our presence, perspective, space – even simply modeling a different kind of life – and doing so in the spirit of love, can do wonders for ourselves and others.

There does seem to be one other idea here worth noting. All of the acts of giving that we discussed so far are facilitated through our bodies. Even the expression of an idea, like this one for example, is manifest through speaking or writing – or some other form of communication – that comes to life through action facilitated by our bodies. It strikes me as little wonder, then, that Paul, in his letter to the Romans calls for followers of Jesus to present their bodies as a living sacrifice. That just about covers everything – all our habits of action that present in our bodies, all our thoughts made manifest in our bodies, all the physical memory that is embedded in our bodies. Give it to God. This simple encouragement is a near impossible task in our own strength. Our habits, etched inside our minds and bodies resist the changes necessary to make our bodies holy and acceptable to God with terrible strength. This can be attested to by anyone who has tried, on their own, to change such a habit.

Paul continues with a key. Don’t be conformed to the organization of the world around you (which is likely organized against God, at least to a degree), but be transformed. How? By the renewing of your mind. To what end? So that you can interact with and know that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. You will know, through interactive relationship, the living God. And then what? And then your body will likely begin to conform to your transformed mind. New thoughts leading to new actions. Once begun this cycle of transformation with God seems to be the ongoing state of the follower of Jesus. Continual transformation into Christ-likeness. Continual reliance on God for the transformation. Continual engagement of the personal will towards this process.

In the grander scheme of things none of this would be possible without God giving. However, none of our conscious engagement in our relationship and ongoing formation with God would be possible unless we are willing to give, too.