What Do I Want? Work.
For years, my parents would ask me this question: "What do you want?"
At times I would have a sense of assurance around a particular answer. Other times I would sit and think for a long time before something would come out. Unbeknownst to me (and maybe to them), they engaged me in a practice of conversation in which what I had to say carried value and weight. It was important to know what I thought I wanted. So I began to continue to ask the question.
What I wanted became a feed back loop for the desires set in my heart. I began to see what I was predisposed to. I saw desires that would bring good to people - generosity, spreading joy, etc. I also began to see desires I disliked. Things I didn’t want to want. With those, I began a work of unveiling where the desire came from, what seed had been planted in me, and praying for that seed to be cast out. I had no actual want of it.
More recently, the question has changed for me. Instead of seeking to find my desire, I seek the work. I seek what work is before me, that I have been made for, that will prepare me for whatever is next. This is not necessarily a job. It’s just the work.
I have come to find that I am most fulfilled in the work. Whatever desires I’ve been given become reconciled in the work. So now I ask myself, "Where is the work?" And I go there.
