The Gift of Encouragement

How do we get there?

So this is really interesting. I was actually quite nervous publishing my note about suffering last week. You see, in Tap Dance Land, I like to lean towards joy. I’ve tried to do the same in my writing. Not some frivolous or fleeting idea of joy, but rather the pervasive sense of wellbeing that is consistent with every experience of life. An entire note on the death required for transformation, the suffering that comes with that, and more explicitly the cross of Christ as a reality for new life, seemed a little weighty. You can imagine my surprise when I saw this note receive the most attention of any note in 2022! More people viewed the post, shared the social post, and I even had people reach out to me directly with feedback! I guess honesty about what transformation looks like is the better choice.

The simple reality of transformation is that it's hard. The death of habits of thought and action is hard. It can be easy, but more often it is simply hard. Some might say that it's so hard, it’s enough to prevent most people from even trying to change. Given the possibility of real change that transformation proposes, I wouldn't ever want the fact that it's hard to get in the way of what might be on the other side of the hardness. Would you want to miss out on the reality of a new life just on account of a lack of effort? I wouldn't. Yet, I know from a multitude of experience that effort alone doesn't get us across the finish line. There is training, support, encouragement, and many more things that get us across the finish line. As with everything else, transformation happens in relationship. The way we relate to the animating energy behind our transformation, ourselves in the midst of the transformation, and others who come to be with us to whatever degree they're engaged, is a huge part of what our own transformation will look like.

There are a few key elements that need to be present for us to hold on to a process of transformation. There are some that come from within, like our own desire to transform, continual intentional choices towards transformation, and a seeking for the means (especially if we don’t already have them) that will facilitate the transformation. There are some that come from without, like the means themselves (if we don’t already have them), inspiration from others who share stories, information, or model their own transformation, and the thing I’ve been thinking about this week – good, old fashioned, encouragement.

Encouragement is an interesting thing. When I think of encouragement, I immediately think of the worlds of sports and dance – often filled with family members cheering on their kids. Egging them on for that extra bit of energy. Being there for the kids in the hard times, during the losses and through injuries. Celebrating with them after a good game or performance. More broadly, crowds and audiences both cheer for the goal in a game or the amazing moment in a performance. There is a kind of universal acknowledgement of the difficulty in achieving such things. The appreciation I’ve felt from audiences by way of applause and cheering is a huge encouragement – a visceral refilling of the tank, often spent on the preparation and performance.

Games and shows are qualitatively different from the journey of inner or spiritual transformation and serve little purpose as analogies outside of this: the manifestation of communal vision. In a sports game the crowd associated with each team cheers for their team to win. They share the team’s vision of victory. The crowd puts their energy toward accomplishing the vision through shouts, songs, and clapping, as the team puts energy toward it through action in the playing of the game. They are all connected in vision. There are often points of connection in physical, emotional, and intellectual investment as well. In the performing arts the connection is different but the idea of manifestation of communal vision is similar. In the arts generally (and outside of the competitive scene, which there is plenty of), instead of cheering for winning the game, the audience cheers for wonder. A singer, actor, dancer, storyteller do something that pulls the audience deeper into a new world and for that they are applauded. The tap dancer, Chuck Green, once said, “I make [the audience’s] imagination into a reality.”

And that brings us to the process of transformation itself. When dealing with things that die hard, there is a necessity for a frame that doesn’t turn the entire endeavor into a war. Such devolving is easy and evident around the world as violence erupts around the desire for change and the seeming lack thereof. How (through argument, physical, corporate, etc.) and in what direction the violence erupts (at individuals, communities, societies, or entire nations) is less relevant than the fact that anger and pain are often at the root. Anger and the associated pain can bring a lot of energy to bear on a situation. Energy is needed for transformation, especially in cases where we feel that the things we are trying to change are calcified. However, I think there is another way to get the same amount of energy without the attached violence.

Instead of war, what if there was a willful death – a surrender. This is the way of transformation that undercuts the potential for unnecessary violence. To bring ourselves to willfully die to ourselves, to surrender our will, we need a few things. One might be the need for a captivating vision of what the life we are to have instead. This vision energizes our pursuit, giving it meaning and hope. Our desires shift from immediate gratification and fulfillment of needs, to doing what we can to bring about what is to come. Everything else, including the death of any disordered desires, we then walk through with greater determination towards our goal. We also might need to trust what, or rather who, we are surrendering to. Here, the proposition that the God of Jesus is nothing short of a spiritual being who is love has huge ramifications. Lastly, we are going to need encouragement.

A well-formed human will is designed to be strong, persistent, determined, even stubborn. How else do we survive? And yet the act of transformation requires a death to the human will that is centered on itself. It will not want to die. It will need encouragement, to relinquish its hold on our person. We might need our friends, strangers, relatives, colleagues, even everyone we know to play some sort of role in our becoming different kinds of people. Some will be guides, others cheering from the sidelines, while still more may silently bear witness to our process. There is no reason to flagrantly share our challenges with those who have proven themselves to not to be trustworthy. However, being sensitive to the opportunities to bear witness to the miracle of our own transformation, regardless of the stage, may be just what we need to keep going.

So, what does this kind of encouragement towards death (if one can call it that) look like? It looks like a parent cheering when their child fails at doing something hard. Not because they are happy their child failed, but rather to overwhelm their child’s emotional palatte (assumed to be turning south on account of the failure) with feelings of wellbeing (remember, joy?) and focusing attention on their effort. I do this whenever one of my dance students falls. Falling happens quite often in Tap Dance Land, and we talk about how to fall well early on in the training. As much as we’d rather stay over our feet, falling happens, and when it does this is what it looks like:

Dance student: [thump upon hitting the floor]

Me: [I direct my full attention towards them] Yeah!

Dance student: [surprised look]

Me: Nice job! You okay?

Dance student: I think so…

Me: Check to see…That was a solid fall. Good work.

The idea is simple. Create an environment in which falling is totally expected and dealt with attention and encouragement. A good fall only happens on account of good effort. A good death of one’s self-centered will is going to need good effort, too. It’s not going to always feel good, and it is going to take a lot of energy. Along the way we may need to know that our hurts can be attended to and that the pain and effort are not in vain. Having honest encouragers in our spheres can only help our journey. Having folks who can attend to our possible hurts even as they cheer us on, can only benefit the ride.

Truthfully good encouragers have been difficult to find for me, but not impossible. Seek and you will find. Be honest about the journey that you are on with those around you, and maybe someone you already know will turn out to be the encourager you need. With a journey of transformation, there is not a lot that I am absolutely sure of. After all, I’m in the middle of my own journey myself. There is one thing that I can share with a high degree of confidence. That is, that if you enter a journey of transformation, it will affect everyone around you. It can’t but affect the relationships that you are in. Sometimes that’s the hardest part (even among the hard things). Sometimes it’s the most enjoyable. Especially when the affect brings the opportunity for mutual encouragement in a multitude of transformational journeys.

Jesus.

Jesus did not mince words when it came to the exclusivity that is required in our journey of following him. The death of our will that we will come to experience requires a kind of singular focus on Jesus – and everything else through that lens. In the same moment, we can bear witness to what the family of God might look like, in the group Jesus gathered around him and their communal dynamic, and the documented beginnings of gatherings of followers found in the book of Acts. One might be so bold as to say that the letters Paul wrote were meant to be encouragements to those who heard them. This is the deal. Those whom God’s Holy Spirit has come upon recognize the journey they are on as individuals and in community with God. As they mature they come to understand the kind of encouragement necessary to continue the journey. The encouragement is fueled by love, God’s love no less. It is emboldened because of a vision for what comes after the cross that is so captivating that the cross itself transforms into a welcomed need. Thankfully, we don’t go alone. We have our own loving, kind, gentle, honest, peaceful, encourager in Jesus. One who points us in the direction we are to go, strengthens us along the way, and overwhelms our consciousness. This, to such a degree that we may become encouragers to others, even in the midst of our own journeys.

And just in case you may be in the midst of a troubled time, or fearful. Set your attention here, on these words of Jesus:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give unto you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (Read more)

Want even more? Become a paying subscriber and check out Asking the Questions.