If there is one way to stay in a loop, it is to live in generalities.
“Everyone is a crook.”
“No one cares.”
“The world is broken.”
These statements color the entirety of our reality with broad strokes.
If I were to wake up every morning thinking that everyone was a crook, I would eventually become paranoid. If I believed that no one cared, I’d turn cynical and isolate. If I believed the entire world was broken, I might just give up thinking anything could ever change.
The truth is that there are always exceptions. They may be harder to find, but they are there (even if the only exception is you). In the worst of cases, more specific statements provide space for the alternative.
“Most people are crooks.”
“Most people don’t care.”
“Most of the world is broken.”
Most, but not all.
This adjustment provides just enough room for the people who aren’t crooks, who do care, and for the parts of the world that aren’t broken.
If my mental model of others isn’t based on a single avatar – in this case, a crook that doesn’t care in a world that’s completely broken – then I need tools for testing. With the right tools I can find out if the person in front of me is likely to be a crook or not, to care or not. I can find out if the corner of the world that I’m in is one that is broken or not.
With a solid set of tools, I can walk out into the world with some confidence in my ability to navigate, sense, and discern. I can have some confidence in the choices that I make and give attention and effort to the pursuit of finding (in our case) people who are honest and caring. With tools, I can have a way to navigate even the worst of cases, without completely giving up.
Here are three questions to get your toolkit together.
What am I looking for? Be clear about what honest or caring people look like for you. Be specific about what a corner of the world that isn’t broken might look like, too. The more specific you are the better.
Where might I have found it in the past? Using examples from past experience to build a model is a good stepping stone, but be careful to not hold too tightly to these. New opportunities for honest and caring interactions, and experiences of wholeness (rather than brokenness) require some flexibility to step into.
What might it look like in this moment? You might play with finishing these phrases:
Right now, for me, an honest person would [fill in the blank].
Right now, for me, a caring person would [fill in the blank].
Right now, for me, a world that wasn’t broken might [fill in the blank].
The reality: With clear mental models we can more easily direct ourselves in a way that fulfills our heart’s desires. Rather than requiring the world to change, we begin to become the honest and caring person we hoped to find, making our corner of the world less broken. We might just find others pursuing similar goals along the way and say, “Oh, you, too?” We might find others to bring along with us, sharing the journey. We might just experience the change that we so desired.
The world around us can be hard. In its midst we can still do what we can to experience the kind of life we want. Being specific about our goals can help.